


AKA You're On Your Last Legs

by Boredom_Made_Me_Do_It



Series: Cross My Heart, Hope To Die [1]
Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jessica and Kilgrave team up, Slow Burn, kilgrave is a twat but he'll get better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 11:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16407830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boredom_Made_Me_Do_It/pseuds/Boredom_Made_Me_Do_It
Summary: "-What does it change, exactly?-I can’t stay here, that’s what.-You’re leaving me? Again? – He loomed over her.-Calm the fuck down, Kilgrave, not everything’s about you! I just can’t let Trish find out.-Oh, alright, then. So you’re accepting my proposal?-I am."Jessica finds out she's got a year left to live and decides to team up with Kilgrave to do the Hero Thing.





	AKA You're On Your Last Legs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goodboots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodboots/gifts).



> **The first chapter is REWRITTEN, so, if you've read the previous version, I'll have to ask you to re-read it. Again, I'm very sorry for being so messy, this won't happen again.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> This is my first time posting here, so I wanted to clear some things up:
> 
> English isn't my first language, so the chapters might come late because I'm writing them in my native language first.
> 
> Some formatting issues:
> 
> Dashes are for dialogues  
> Quotation marks are for thoughts  
> Flashbacks are italicized
> 
> I hope it won't be too confusing.
> 
> For goodboots, because... Where do I even start?
> 
> A special thanks for Storyshark2005 for helping me with my English... and many other things

_-You really are an ungrateful bitch, aren’t you?_ _Jessica doesn’t dare turn around. She wants to punch the floor she’s sitting on. Punch her way through the skyscraper until she reaches the ground, and then dig and dig and dig and never come up to the surface because that’s the only place he won’t follow. He doesn’t like dark. Always needs to know where to step next._

_-I can’t be ungrateful until you give me something to be grateful about._

_This is the third act of bravery out of the five she’s allowed herself per week._

_-Well, not seeing things to be grateful about is kind of what ungratefulness means, no?_

_Something’s off. He’s too calm. He shouldn’t be this calm. She starts panicking because she needs to know where to step next too._

_-Why did you stop writing?_

_-Because you came in._

_He sighs, plops down next to her and slides his long, cold fingers through her hair._

_-So, if you know that something is wrong when I’m in the room, why don’t you know it when I’m not?_

_“It’s a rhetorical question,” she assures herself._

_-It’s not a rhetorical question, Jessica, answer me._

_-Because it’s not wrong, - she says, defeated, - it’s just something you don’t like._

_He cups her cheek and swipes her tear away with his thumb._

_-You have a hard time connecting words with their definitions, darling._

_She wants to grab him by his throat and break his neck, then sit on top of him and beat him into a pulp just to make sure nothing’s left of him, but she just sits there and lets the tears fall._

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

_Like tiny fists punching through the floor._

_-How was the party?_

_That’s a correct question. At least she hopes it’s a correct question._

_-Boring, - he mumbles into her shoulder. – Did you know it was my birthday? Of course, you didn’t know, you never asked. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t, because I was curious if you’d ever ask me when my birthday was._

_“No. No, please, no, no, no!”_

_-Happy birthday…_

_-No, Jessica, darling, not like that. Tell you what? I’ll let you finish the letter, then you join me in the living room and we play a party game._

_She’s glad he didn’t ask her opinion this time. He always asks her opinion when it will hurt her the most to voice it._

_-It’s Patsy! It’s Patsy! I really wanna be a friend with you… - he sings from the living room._

_She finishes her letter to Trish. It’s not really a letter, it’s more of a list of things she wants to say to her when she sees her again. She wants to think all her words through. She won’t hurt her sister again._

_-You’re done already? – Kilgrave is surprised to see her in the living room after ten minutes. – I thought it would take more time._

_“You hoped it would take more time, so you’d have something to bitch about, you prick.”_

_-It was a short letter._

_-You made the letter shorter to spend more time with me! How lovely of you, Jessie._

_She tried to smile._

_-Have you ever played Truth or Dare, darling?_

_-I have, once or twice._

_-You want to play with me. ___

____

_-Sure._

_“Smile, Jones, smile. That’s your only chance to survive.”_

_-I’m heads, you’re tails._

_“Heads. Your head rolling down, down, down…”_

_Coin is in the air._

_Tails._

_-You start, - grins Kilgrave. – So, truth or dare?_

_“Hands off my past, you bastard!”_

_-Dare._

_Kilgrave's face splits into a grin._

_-Bring salt and sugar from the kitchen._

_“From the kitchen”, mouths Jones as she's looking for sugar. The last time he didn't specify where to get the wine from, she'd tried to go to a shop._

_-Here._

_-Mix a spoonful of each together. Now separate them._

_She just stares at him, dumbfounded._

_-Didn’t you hear what I just said? If you think you’re Cinderella, you might as well act like her._

_So she tries to push grains of sugar out of the pile with her pinky nail._

_-Salt’s more powdery. Can't be that hard, - remarks Kilgrave._

_“Do it yourself then, you son of a bitch!”_

_-Okay, stop, this is a nightmare to watch, - he swipes the pile off the table after several minutes of silence._

_“I’ll gouge your eyes out you selfish bastard!”_

_-Okay, I guess it’s my turn now… Do I want to do it? Well, fine, if we said we’re playing, we’re playing fair. I choose truth._

_“Like I care about your past…”_

_-Why do you like torturing me?_

_“Come on, Jones, of all things you could ask!”_

_Kilgrave pulls her close._

_-I don’t. I’m appalled by your… who do you think I am? I’m not a monster, I’m just trying my best! Okay, your tu- Actually you know what? I’m doing everything for you. I dress you up, I feed you in the finest restaurants, I take you everywhere… I let you touch things you’d never dream of seeing from afar! And you don’t even have to do anything – Just be loving and grateful and we’re fine. And what do you do? You betray me every time I let my guard down. Every time I trust you, you stab me in the back! What else do I do? I can’t trust you anymore but it’s my fault too. I’ve been too nice to you. I should’ve been stricter. I never punish you hard enough and I should… I… I don’t like it, it’s just how things are. It’s just how you made things to be. Give me a reason to trust you and I will. You know I will, because… Because you’re my favourite._

_He looks desperate now. Face flushed, eyes wet, palms clenched in tight fists. He’s looking down at her. He’s abandoned her on the couch during his rant and now is standing in the middle of the room. He unclenches his fists slowly._

_“I should comfort him now.”_

_She doesn’t._

_-Your turn._

_-Dare._

_-Bring the letter._

_“Don’t make me read it out loud. Don’t make me read it out loud. Don’t make-“_

_-How many words are in there?_

_-Do articles count?_

_-Everything counts that’s not a contraction, Jessica. Don’t annoy me into making you count the contractions too._

_-Four hundred and seventy-three._

_-You’ll name four hundred and seventy-three reasons to hate Patsy Walker. If you’re unable to complete the challenge, you’ll carve my name onto your thigh and rub salt into the wound._

_-She’s loud._

_-One._

_-She’s very bossy._

_-Two._

_-She never listens to me._

_-Three._

_Jessica’s sobbing by the time she reaches reason number one hundred._

_On the reason one hundred and eighty-six, she gets stuck:_

_-When we were fifteen, she used the last of the toothpaste, so I had to go to school without brushing my teeth._

_-You said that one already._

_-She… she left me at the party where I didn’t know anybody._

_-That one too._

_She lets out a ragged breath and pulls her hair._

_-Looks like you’re stuck._

_-Let me think, there has to be something._

_-Ten…_

_-What?_

_-Nine…_

_-What? No, wait!_

_-Seven…_

_-She… she made me drop my ice cream._

_-Used._

_-She… I don’t know!_

_-Time’s up!_

_-I don’t know._

_-Go on, then, what are you waiting for?_

_She takes the kitchen knife with her shaking hand. It’s not the first time he’s ordered her to cut herself, but it is the first time salt’s involved._

_-Oh, and don’t scream, my head is killing me._

_She cuts her thigh as lightly as possible. He won’t mind, he likes her all nice and pretty, and he doesn’t like seeing the consequences of his actions._

_-Deeper._

_-What?_

_-Cut deeper. I want you to see the consequences of your actions._

_The next few minutes are all pain and choked-down screams and cutting the same spot twice, because she can’t see a damn thing through her tears and then it’s done._

_-What about salt?_

_-Give me a damn second._

_-Don’t be rude, Jessica._

_Salt makes everything go white and she blacks out for a second._

_-Come now, sit up._

_Kilgrave’s behind her. She tenses up and tries to get away._

_-Aren’t scared that blood will ruin your suit?_

_-Are we still playing?_

_-Yeah, we are._

_“We’re playing your fucked up game of house.”_

_-There’s no blood behind you, so no, I’m not._

_“There’s blood on my hand. I could grab you with it...”_

_-Dare._

_She can’t see his grin, but she can feel it._

_-Since we’ve established you hate your sister so much, why don’t you go kill her? Her head would make an excellent birthday present._

_“You’ll pay for this. One day, I’ll make you pay.”_

_She can barely walk, she’s barefoot and slips on her own blood two times before she reaches the door._

_-Jessica, come o-on, be reasonable. How could I order you to murder your sister, we’re in Rome! – He pulls her close again. – Your hands are cold._

_She laughs then, and bursts into tears._

_-Your costume. It’s ruined now._

Jessica Jones woke up with a scream. Her thigh burned. She hated these nightmares. She rubbed her scar until she calmed down enough to get out of bed.

She almost ran into Kilgrave just out of her room.

-What the fuck are you doing here?

-I heard you scream and I thought…

-You’d calm me down? That’s not even funny. I need a drink.

-I told Laurent and Alva to hide everything alcohol related, remember?

-I’m a detective, I’ll find them.

-What if I told you that you could save a lot of time and energy if you drank with me?

-You’re disgusting. 

-Jessica…

-You’re not even trying not to be.

-I didn’t order you once since, you know… the bus crash.

-But you’ve manipulated me into doing things, that’s not very different.

-You had your free will.

-But I didn’t have a choice.

-You have a choice now, - he held out the bottle of whiskey he’d been hiding behind his back.

“You sneaky bastard.”

-Care for a drink?

She wanted to turn around and close the door to his face. But she needed that drink. She squinted at the bottle. It looked expensive too.

-Fine, - she said, - but the rules still apply. No orders, no touching.

-Even if you fall asleep on the couch?

- _Especially_ if I fall asleep on the couch.

-Pity, that would be so romantic, taking you upstairs bridal style… 

-Never gonna happen… And if you say “never say never”, I’m going back to my room.

Kilgrave pouted but said nothing.

-Hey, what if _I_ fall asleep on the couch?

-I’ll leave you there.

-I’m sure you’ll at least cover me with a blanket.

Jessica rolled her eyes and put two glasses on the coffee table.

They drank first two rounds in silence.

-Why did you come to me tonight? 

-I was worried about you.

She eyed Kilgrave suspiciously:

-Bullshit, you don’t care about anyone.

-I care about _you_. I’ll prove it to you.

-How? By treating me like an object?

-Don’t be so dramatic, - he slid down the couch a bit.

-I’m not being dramatic, I’m repeating your words. You did call me “a thing” in the police station.

-I just slipped, I was nervous. Confessing your love isn’t easy, you know?

Jessica let out a long sigh.

-You are impossible… and stop grinning like an idiot, that wasn’t a compliment.

His grin stayed.

-You liked it, didn’t you? I _knew_ it would impress you.

-Open your damn eyes, Kilgrave. You’re not a romantic, you’re a creep.

He frowned.

-But I’d been planning that speech for weeks. You should’ve liked it.

-Maybe you should’ve spent your time on things that actually matter.

-I don’t understand.

-I know. I’m going to bed.

-I have another bottle here…

-I’ve had enough.

She got into her room and flopped down the bed. She should’ve asked him about Hope Shlottman. He might’ve answered if she stayed long enough, but she’d already overstayed her Kilgrave limit.

“When will this end?”

“When will this end?”

“Just when?”

 

  
***

When Jones woke up the second time, it was nearly noon. She moved her hand across the floor under the bed per habit but found nothing.

“Fuck, I really am in my childhood home.”

Her head was throbbing, her heart ached a little and her limbs were cold.

“It’s fine, it’s just nerves, I’m not really sick. I can’t be sick.”

She got up slowly but collapsed back on the bed.

“Shit.”

Finally, she got to the bathroom and took a cold shower. It made her feel a bit better. But she needed some air. She needed a walk. 

 

***

-Oh, you woke up! – Kilgrave stood up and almost fell face first when Jessica grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the front door. – What are you doing?

-I need a walk and I’m not gonna sit there and beg you to let me out. And I’m taking you with me so you don’t blow up my neighborhood.

-I will gladly accompany you! Wait, sto- can you just let me put on my coat? Jesus! 

-Go on, then, hurry up!

-I can’t go out like this, I need a change of clothes.

-Oh god, no.

-You should’ve told me if we were going out. I’m not even wearing my suit!

Jessica rubbed her temples.

-Hurry. Up.

-Jeez, you’re so bossy.

 

***

She was finally out of that nightmare of a house. She was trying her best to be in a better mood, but Kilgrave just wouldn’t shut up. 

-Where are we going? Are you trying to lure me somewhere? 

-Just shut up already, it’s just a walk! Just. A. Fucking. Walk! 

-Do you _have_ to be rude to me every time we speak?

-Yes, - she huffed and marched on.

-I’d advise you not to be.

He didn’t make any effort to sound menacing, but he didn’t have to. She was playing with fire, and was always meaning to stop, but couldn’t pass up an opportunity to mouth off to him while she still could.

-So, where are we going?

She rolled her eyes.

-To the park. We’ll just sit there for a while, and I need to buy some things from the store on our way back.

-What do you need from the store? I could’ve told Alva and she’d buy them for you.

-I can buy my own groceries, Kilgrave.

-It’s not about being able to do things, it’s more about why would you?

Jones pursed her lips and shook her head.

-No, seriously. We have the personnel to do these things for us, why not use them? It’s like hand washing all your clothes when you have a washing machine.

-Maybe I just want to buy my groceries without you messing with my list?

-Ah, yes, I’m the problem yet again! Who would’ve guessed? Poor Jessica can’t trust me with a god damn grocery list, how traumatising. 

She flared her nostrils and tightened her jacket around her.

-You really should wear warmer clothes, it’s still early spring.

She saw him speak but was unable to concentrate on the words. Her heart banged at her ribcage. She struggled to take a breath like she had been underwater so long she couldn’t bring herself to get up.

-Let’s just sit here for a while.

Kilgrave eyed her.

-It’s not even the place we were going to.

-Why do you care? It’s a park.

-It’s not a park, Jessica, it’s just a bench and a bush.

-Once a snob, always a snob.

-How on earth was my reaction snobbish?

-It’s like a mini park, what are you complaining about? It’s a bush, right? Trees have leaves, bushes have leaves. Same shit.

Kilgrave studied her for a moment.

-You’re slurring, you can’t walk. Why are you so tired today? What were you doing up there? I thought you were sleeping so I didn’t bother you.

-How generous of you.

He pursed his lips.

-Yea, of course I was sleeping, what else could I possibly be doing? But you’ll think I was plotting against you no matter what I say. You’re so fucking paranoid.

-I’m not paranoid, I’m reasonably concerned about my safety.

“He’s not entirely wrong, actually.”

She didn’t say anything.

 

***

Kilgrave spent all his courage on showing Jessica the experiment videos. 

With his childhood memories coming back, he felt a dull, piercing pain at the back of his neck. He studied Jessica’s face to catch her reaction, but couldn’t see much. Only disgust. But she could easily be disgusted by both his parents and him, so, it wasn’t much of a help. 

-Like you, this power was forced upon me, I thought you of all people would understand, - he said, closed the laptop, and sat on the couch in the living room. When Jessica joined him, it became clear that this was the turning point and nothing would be the same after. This simple act would lead him to his end, or to Jessica. And, considering the fact that she’d made a scapegoat of him, his survival chances were slim to non-existent. 

"Rule number one: Jessica Jones helps everyone. Without exceptions."

The scales were balanced. 

The coin was in the air. 

 

***

She felt his power on her fingertips.

It was so easy, so smooth. No elaborate plans, no sneaking around. No time lost.

“I’m a damn hero. I’ve even got a sidekick.”

She even started reconsidering her “Jessica Jones always works alone” attitude. How much more she could do when everything was so easy.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi?

-But cooler.

“Damn right, we are.”

They approached the back door without any problems.

-Well, that’s it, then.

“So there are some doors even you can’t open.”

The family rescue went just as smoothly as she imagined when she’d just decided to become a hero.

All her confidence evaporated when Kilgrave almost killed that man.

“Why did I even drag him here?”

-What would _Jessica_ do?

“Jessica would beat his ass and run away.”

-Make him turn himself over to the police.

Jessica felt sick when she realised she almost considered teaming up with him.

As they walked toward her childhood home, only one thought went through her head:

“Never again.”

 

***

Kilgrave was losing his patience. He’d already shouted at Alva and Laurent for doing their job, then shouted some more when they stopped.

-Everything went great, so why did she run away?

-I don’t know, sir, - mumbled Alva and scurried from the room. 

“It’s not fair.”

He poured himself a glass of wine.

-You just can’t please some people, can you? That’s how they are… She was always pleased when she was with me… What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with making someone happy?  
He liked being a hero. It earned him the admiration and gratitude he believed he deserved. But with Jessica away, he didn’t want to think about it too much. Because if he thought about it too much, he’d have to figure out what was Jessica playing at.

He didn’t want to face these thoughts right now. He had a more immediate problem to deal with.

-Alva, Laurent! Come over here. Look out of that window until Jessica arrives.

He watched as relief swept over their faces and helped himself with another piece of the chocolate cake.

-Oh, and don’t you dare blink until you see her.

He didn’t have to be a hero to have some fun.

 

***

It was already dark when Jessica returned home. 

-Where were you? – Greeted Kilgrave, sitting in the dark. 

-None of your business.

-If I were you, I wouldn’t be so rude, Jessica, - Jessica knew this voice. “One-more-drop-and-my-cup-of-patience-will-be-filled” voice. It really wasn’t a good idea, starting an argument when he was like this. 

-I’m tired, I’m going to sleep, - she said, at last, trying to hide her fear, and moved towards the stairs. 

-You didn’t answer my question, - Jessica turned around and saw him approach her. When only a few centimeters were separating them, he stopped and stared at her with his eyes almost black in anger. 

-I wasn’t with _Patsy_ if that’s what you’re asking.

“Let me go, let me go!” 

Kilgrave felt Jessica’s fear and it startled him. He couldn’t understand what he’d done. He suddenly realised what “I choose that you don’t touch me” really meant, and it hurt. He wanted to do something about it, right then and there. Kilgrave stood still, and with each passing second Jessica’s lips pressed more and more tightly together as if she was stopping them from trembling, or saying something. There was something about her that wasn’t there before, but he sensed that she wasn’t lying, so he finally let her go. 

He was standing there a few minutes, trying to wrap his mind around what was so unusual about her that made him feel uneasy. Then he understood. 

An ordinary person wouldn’t notice, but because of his past… experiences, Kilgrave could have sworn that Jessica smelled like a hospital. 

 

***

Someone was knocking on the door.

-Coming…

Jessica tried to get out of the bed, but couldn’t muster the energy to sit up and fell off.

-Jessica, what’s going on there?

-I’m coming, for fuck’s sake, let me get dressed!

She lay there for a couple of seconds and then slowly got up, got dressed and opened the door.

-What was that noise? Did you fall off the bed?

-What do you want, Kilgrave?

-Breakfast is ready.

-I’d rather sleep.

-Would you? – His eyebrows rose.

She groaned and trailed behind him.

Jessica held the teacup with her icy cold hands.

Kilgrave watched her carefully and it made her feel uncomfortable.

“Does he know? But how the hell could he? He’s not a psychic.”

-Are you still thinking about my proposal?

-Yes, I’m _still_ thinking.

-What’s there so much to think about?

-More than you’ll ever understand.

-You’re just creating drama for yourself. There’s nothing complicated about this: you want to be a hero, I want to be a hero, and we make a wonderful team.

-I wonder what you’d say if your parents turned up at your doorstep one day and offered you to live and work with them.

-Don’t you even dare, - Kilgrave hissed as his eyes darkened. – I was a child and they tortured me for months! And then I slipped up while having a tantrum and they left me!

-So just because I’m an adult, it’s all okay?

-I cared about you! I never punished you more than you deserved! And I would never leave you!

She didn’t know what was worse – the reality or the lies he told himself.

She sat in the kitchen long after he’d stormed out, glad that she’d never find out how their story would end if she didn’t escape.

 

***

Jessica held the papers over a bin.

-What’s that?

-Oh, you’re here already.

-You told me to drop everything and meet you here.

-I got my labwork today.

-And?

-Dunno, didn’t read it.

-Why?

-Knowing what killed me won’t make me any less dead. They told me it can’t be cured, so I don’t care.

-Can I see it?

Jessica picked at the bush while he read.

When he was done, he wore an expression she couldn’t identify.

-That doesn’t look promising.

She wanted to be mad at him but, then again, that was exactly how she felt about the situation. She had never been suicidal, but she also didn’t have a burning will to live. Especially now, when all her guilt and past demons caught up with her. It was somehow liberating to know when it would all end.

-It changes things.

-Does it?

-I’ve got only a year left, Kilgrave, of course it does! 

Trish would cry if she found out. She’d fuss over her, make Jessica move into her fancy apartment, drag her from doctor to doctor. And, in the end, she’d go back to drugs.

-What does it change, exactly?

-I can’t stay here, that’s what.

-You’re leaving me? Again? – He loomed over her.

-Calm the fuck down, Kilgrave, not everything’s about you! I just can’t let Trish find out.

-Oh, alright, then. So you’re accepting my proposal?

-I am.

-Really? I’m so happy I forgive you for being rude to me these days.

Jessica rubbed her temples, then walked over to the bin.

-If you put those papers in that bin, you’ll put your secret on display.

Jones sighed.

-I’ll find a bridge and chug it in the river, then.

-What are you? A savage? You can’t pollute the environment like that.

-So you can use and torture people left and right and pollution is where you draw the line?

-I’m concerned about the environment I live in.

-Paper is biodegradable.

-That’s not the point. And who throws their diagnosis away like that? I’ll have it.

-Whatever.

-Where do you want to go first?

She thought for a moment.

-Sea would be nice. Take me to the sea.

Kilgrave mumbled something about the sea and dying people, but for once in her life, Jessica didn’t care.


End file.
